Who Writes This Stuff?

Lately I've been seeing a lot of...oh, lets say, strange posts on facebook. Many of them are from the "status of the moment" sites. The ones in which you can select from pre-written posts. A lot of those posts are funny, clever little sayings that are kind of fun. Others, well, they just reflect badly on the poster.

I saw this one today posted by someone and it is completely out of character for her. I know her as a pleasant, fun, sweet woman with a beautiful voice. This post is just not her and, I suspect, she was just having a rough day. I don't think she wrote this and I hope no one else re-posts it.

Alert - the grammar police are helping me write this blog. We all make mistakes and we all abuse the exclamation mark (!) and the ellipsis (...). But when the tone of the post is so self-centered and anti-social, its hard to ignore the punctuational abuse. If you abuse poor helpless punctuation marks like that, how do you treat human beings? (I've been known to abuse both myself.......... So sue me!!!)

A HANDFUL!! Unfortunately most women won't repost this. I'm strong willed, independent, a bit outspoken and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I am sometimes out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst... then you sure as heck don't deserve me at my best. If you're a HANDFUL, repost! I......... dare you! I'll be looking for the ladies who repost!

Nothing about this post says anything positive about the poster; it just sounds...well, mean and self-centered. Lets take a closer look.

"A HANDFUL!!" OK, one exclamation mark will do and you don't need to shout at me. I can hear you. Small children are a handful, and a wonderful handful at that, grown women should not be.

"Unfortunately most women won't repost this." Thank the Lord for that; who would want to? Oh, and its "re-post". Did you not see the red underline below the word? It signifies a misspelling; right click and fix it.

"I'm strong willed, independent, a bit outspoken and I tell it like it is." So you're stubborn, too good to ask for help when you need it, and rude. Nice, lets be friends.

"I make mistakes," But do you learn from them? Oh, and that's a comma splice. Look it up: Comma Splice.

"I am sometimes out of control & at times hard to handle." Sounds like a substance abuse issue.

"But if you can't handle me at my worst... then you sure as heck don't deserve me at my best." You have a "best"? I haven't heard anything good yet.

"If you're a HANDFUL, repost! I......... dare you!" Would you stop shouting at me, I just want to review my facebook news feed. I seriously doubt I would do anything you dare me to do - it could involve the police and fire departments. Oh, and the ellipsis has three periods. More doesn't make it better.

"I'll be looking for the ladies who repost!" Keep looking. Good luck with that.

So by now you are thinking, "What.......a bitch!!" Yes, OK, I'll give you that. I could have been a little more gentle. But, think of this. Every time something like that appears it reinforces the negative stereotype of women. A stereotype that, while I didn't create it and don't live according to it, I'm measured against. Men are afraid of me because of things like that. Really? Me?

I grew up in a time in which I was told, "You can do anything. The barriers are coming down. You just need to work hard at it, keep going, stay focused, etc." I know what the poster was trying to say, and its a noble thought, but choose your words more carefully.

So how would I say it? How about this:

I'm a strong, independent woman who isn't afraid to ask for help. I don't always say the right thing and, sometimes, you may not like what I have to say. I make mistakes, but I try to learn from them. I sometimes get angry or sad, but I try not to take it out on those I love. But if you can't accept me when I fail, then you don't need me when I succeed. If you're a strong woman re-post this. I'll be looking for all the women who do!

When Social Networks Collide

We all have heard of the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game in which one connects any actor to Kevin bacon. Its a fun game based on a real principal. (See Six Degrees of Separation ) I first heard of the "real", mathematical, social aspects of this while reading Malcolm Gladwell's book "The Tipping Point". An excellent book, by the way, particularly if you are interested in social media as I am.

Every morning I "set-up" my computer. Turn "the beast" on, log into my wireless network, and open my browser. My homepage is my personalized iGoogle page with a widget for my email. Then I open up tabs for facebook, LinkedIn, my Yahoo! mail account, and my Blogger dashboard. Then I might bookmark some interesting articles on my delicious account in order to read them later. Check out the simplyhired.com job website. Make a blog post, watch a video, have a quick chat via GoogleTalk.

I spend a lot of time in social networking. I have friends, contacts, links, videos, documents, and images out there "in the clouds". I shouldn't be surprised when I see friends and contacts collide, i.e. when people from different groups are connected. But I am.

About a year ago I noticed one of my facebook friends had just friended a new person and his name sounded familiar. When I checked him out I found that he was a long-time "real-life" friend of another of my friends - I'll call her Monica. Monica and I traveled a few times to watch this guy perform. (He is a musician.) I thought it interesting but thought the chances of it happening again were small. (Wrong. The chances are probably not that small.)

Then, just today, it happened again. I found a guy I went to school with is friended to one of my little brother's childhood friends. I don't know how they know each other, it can't be the "old neighborhood", high school, college or jobs. I don't even care how, I just think its cool. I love social media and I love the idea that I can keep in touch with people whom I might not be in contact with because of distance. Distance, both chronologically and geographically.

I have friends, family members, and colleagues who refuse to get on any social networks for a variety of reasons. Some of them include:

"If I don't talk to the person now, I don't need to talk to them." Really? You did talk to them at one time, perhaps everyday. You might have even been friends. Why not again?

If I want to talk to someone I'll call one the phone and meet up in person. People spend all their time online chatting and writing they never make any friends. How is a friendship, online, any different from a friendship carried out via mail? In the past entire friendships, romances even, were carried out via letters. To disregard all relationships that happen electronically is to disregard all relationships that don't happen face to face. What about the guy how works from home, a 1000 miles away from the office. Does he not have a relationship with his co-workers and the company? What about a woman serving in the military in another country? Are her electronic chats home to her husband and kids suspect because she isn't in the same room? And, NO, it isn't different.

Its so annoying when I'm with someone and all they are doing is checking facebook. Well, yes, you are right there. But those people are just rude, its not the problem with the media.

I don't want some old boyfriend to find me. Your old boyfriend can still find you whether you have an online presence or not. And what if he does? You DON'T have to friend/connect with him.

Who cares what a bunch of amateurs have to say? That stuff is so bad. Professionals need to be creating content for the world. Two words - "Reality TV" Nuff said.

I love social networking/media. For years we were forced to be simply consumers of media. Now we are consumers AND creators of media. (Shirky) I'd rather be making a youtube video than watching the junk on TV. I'd rather be trying to figure out how my facebook friends know each other. I'd rather be blogging.

References:

Clay Shirkey, Cognitive Surplus: Creativity and Generosity in a Connected Age, 2010 Tantor Press.

Time to Come Clean

Back in June a friend of mine passed away. Suddenly, unexpectedly. He was only 47 years old. It freaked me out. People my age should not be dying. We are suppose to be inventing cool things like Google. Or building things, or doing anything.

He wasn't my best friend, nor was I his. But he was always fun to hang around with, easy to hang around with.

I've been recording my memories in this blog but in the third person because it was just to sad to write in first person. But I think its time to change that and come clean. These are my memories that I would like to share.

When I first met Donny, he kept telling me that I shouldn't listen to what people said about him. If I heard something I should come to him. It wasn't until after he died that I was able to put the pieces together and figure out what he was talking about. So many people judged him; he assumed I would also. That was never the case.

I remember one night being at his place. It was late; we had had a few drinks. (This was before he quit drinking.) He started to get very sad. I can still picture him sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Crying. Tough guy Donny. "I'm a man" Donny. Crying. Over the difficult relationship he had with his own father. Over his own sons. I put my had on his shoulder. He brushed me away saying, "Stop, I don't deserve to feel good." Yes, you did, you deserved that. I rubbed his shoulders and back, kissed the back of his neck. He calmed down.

He saved me once from some creepy guy at Horan's. I called him on my way home from work. I had gone out with some co-workers and didn't want to go home just yet. He said he would meet me there after he finished helping fix someone's car. I got to Horan's first and was sitting by myself. Some guy started to move to the next bar stool, intending to sit down. "Are you here alone," he asked. "No, she's with me," he said as he seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He was like that old Dudley Doright cartoon - always there at the last minute to save the woman in distress.

He talked about his family all the time. He missed them. I heard all the family stories as he loved to tell them. Sometimes I heard them more than once. When I first showed him faccebook he had me looking up all his family. Every search showed 4 or 5 people he knew. "That's my sister, that's my niece, that's my cousin." It seemed like he was related to the whole town. And then he would tell a story about the person we searched.

I fell asleep on his couch quite a few times. He never woke me up and sent me home, he just went to sleep himself. Then he would make breakfast the next morning. We had pancakes one morning. We had a midnight snack once of his special mac and cheese - it was delicious. He was like that. He had so little, but he was always sharing what he had.

He always appreciated a gift. I once gave him a laptop bag and one would think it was plated in gold. He said no one had every given him something that nice. (Not true, but he always said things like that.)

I wish he was here now. I miss him.

I'm Clueless...

Well, not really. I can build you a database, write you a simple computer program, build you a simple web page. I know what Fitt's Law is and I can perform heuristic evaluation on you web site or computer application. I know how to run a usability test, a focus group, and I can build a rockin' survey. I can use a screen reader and determine if it is accessible to persons with disabilities. I can build you a Halloween costume from a few pieces of foam board, a roll of Contact paper, and a couple of dowel rods (twice). I can make you curtains, a table topper, a new dress. But there is one thing I just don't know about.

Boys.

Oh, I can work with them - they make great co-workers. I can be friends with them - some of my best friends are boys. But as a "mate", I just don't get their logic.

And, perhaps, its my deficiency, not theirs. In my entire dating career of about 30 years, I've had three "real" relationships and there have been only three guys I "dated". Not a lot of experience. My last "date" was in 2007. (And I'm calling it a date. Otherwise I'd have to admit the last date I was on was in 2001 or 2002. Its been so long I can't remember the year.)

Two weeks ago I met a very nice gentleman. We had an funny conversation about technology. I like that - a geek like me. At the end of the conversation he said, "I like her, she's OK." So I gave him my card, got his number, and told him to call me if he was going to go again next week.

Fast forward a week - back at the same pub. The boy shows up. By the end of the night we were hanging out, chatting, going to the late-night burrito place for a bite to eat. Having a really fun time. He walked me home, and then headed home himself, telling me, "Think of me tonight, I'll think of you." (Now that's a nice thing to say to a girl; listen up guys.) He even called and left me a message that he got home safe.

Now here is where I'm not sure what I should do. I returned his call but got voice mail, left a message. (Long story short. The card has my business number. I left my personal number.) Was it wrong to think he might call back? Am I just a freak to think that? I don't hear from him so I try again. I get him this time and the conversation was awkward at best. We end the conversation with him saying, "If I call you I'll call on the ... number."

Huh‽

But...you said...your message...I thought...hmmmmmm. This isn't what you said earlier.

I really am stumped. I'm not calling back. Ever. I'd prefer to avoid this pub, but I'm suppose to go to a party there next week. Do I say hello and risk being to forward? Do I say nothing and risk being a bitch? I feel like the guy with the pitch-fork in his back.


















I envy women who breeze through all this kind of stuff. It all seems to come so easy to them. I don't know how to flirt; hell I can't even recognize when someone flirts with me.

Bored...

I've been out of work 14 days (not counting week-ends) and I'm bored. Well, not bored, but tired of job-searching. I can repeat my resume back to anyone who asks. I could probably do it backwards. I still wake up early, take a shower, then I have nowhere to go. I've had so much coffee (at home and Starbucks) that I think I will turn brown as a coffee bean soon.

I'm now doing, everyday, what I use to do on week-ends - wander around the hood with no real deadlines or purpose. That was fine for two days a week in order to relax. But seven days a week? I spend the morning filling out applications, fine-tuning my resume, and writing cover letters. By about 3P I can't sit in the house anymore. Even my cat is sick of me being home all the time.

I need something to do...

New Name, Same Content

Had to change the name of the blog because I needed the "eBethInk" moniker for my professional blog.

Searching for a job in the age of social networking is quite a task. I have to checked my linkedIn account, my email, update my portfolio documents, fill out online job apps, etc. I'm spending more time in front of the computer than I was when I was working.

Thanks God for coffee. Really.

Unemployed (Again)

Back in June of 1997, I was let go from a job. I was going to school full-time and working full-time. I thought I could handle it. I couldn't. I was making silly mistakes on the job, my performance was slipping, so I was let go. I probably wasn't doing as well as I could have been in my school work either.

I made a decision that day. I was going to apply for financial aid, go to school full-time, and perhaps get a part-time job. It worked out. I graduated from DePaul University in 1999 with a BS in Computer Science. Specifically, I had a degree in Human Computer Interaction - a field which had been around for a while but was just starting to gain prominence with the emergence of the Web and eCommerce.

In 1998, a year before I was going to graduate, I took an internship at SPSS. I ended up on a project in which SPSS was going to incorporate some mapping capabilities into the flagship SPSS product. I spent my days noodling around with the mapping product; documenting its features, chatting with the software engineers, and even participating in usability testing. (I had only done this in classes with class projects, but this was "the real thing".) When I graduated, they offered me a position - making twice the money I made when I was let go.

That job came with a little culture shock. I was amazed when, in a meeting, someone would turn to me and say, "Elizabeth, what do you think? You've done some . Is this possible?" Or when another designer would come to my desk, paper prototype in hand, and ask, "Would you walk through this task analysis with me. I want to get your opinion." I was happy as a clam when I asked another designer what he thought of my design for "Random Sampling from a Database" and he chuckled and said "You are really talented, and you have a sense of humor for these things - red dice. Kind of funny." (I hadn't really thought of humor. What else could imply random sampling except dice or maybe a coin? Every stats course I took used flipping a coin and throwing dice to demonstrate probability.)

I loved my job. I looked forward to Monday mornings so I could get back there. Then came off-shoring, the dot-com explosion, 9/11, bad economic times. I was laid off. "This has nothing to do with your performance. The company will be moving in a different direction and your skills are not in line with the company's direction." Oh well. They wanted to develop more web-based applications and my skills were in desktop applications. Time to move on.

Fast forward four years. Now I have a Master's Degree but I am underemployed at a company I didn't really love and who didn't really appreciate what I could offer. I got a tip about about a job. Applied for it, spoke with the HR person about setting up an interview, and waited for the call with my interview date. The next day I found out "my position has been eliminated". I was laid off again. "This has nothing to do with your performance... etc." Oh well (again).

Two and a half years later, I'm looking for a job again. I don't know what I can say about this situation. I haven't accepted the severance package so I will error on the side of saying nothing.

Except.. This has nothing do do with my performance.